Having worked in counselling and psychotherapeutic settings for more than 25 years and having worked in services targetting women have shown me there are issues central to being a woman and they are worth exploring.
Motherhood
Every woman has to find her own answer to the question “Do I want to become a mother?” The answer is likely to have an important impact on how the rest of her life will be.
Being pregnant or after giving birth being a mother can bring back repressed and painful memories of your own childhood. Unresolved conflicts with your own mother or father could come into your awareness in an overwhelming way and need to be paid attention to.
Many women do not want to be less than a perfect mother. However, the higher the standard the easier it is to fail. As a result many mothers deal with feelings of failure, guilt and doubt. There is a huge competion going on between mothers, asking “Who is the best?”
Some women have to face the sad reality that they cannot get pregnant. Being childless is often felt as a deep loss in life.
Two career couple
For many women it is given to be a working mom. This can work well if both partners agree on a model of day to day living which enables both their individual and relational needs to meet. In reality it is one of the most common common areas where there is dissatisfaction among couples. Her typical complain: “You don´t help me, everything lies on me.“ His typical response: “Whatever I do is never enough!”
Sexual Violence
I believe every women experiences sexual violence in her life. The difference lies in frequency and nature of the act. Sexual violence takes place in public, at work and in private settings.
Examples are
- the daily harassments in the street, at work, in bars or being with family and friends, e.g. inappropriate looks and remarks
- the exploitation of a woman to satisfy the sexual needs of males in advertisement, literature, film, music and, porn
- stalking
- the continuous pressure exerted partner which results in the woman giving in so as not to lose her partner
- forced kisses and touches
- financial pressure and the restriction of social contacts
- rape
(source: www.notruf-koeln.de)
EACH of these experiences influences our lifes as women.
These issues often show in couples therapy and sex therapy.